Rape Culture

by Mandisa Ndhlukula

"What was she wearing?"

The question "What was she wearing?" is as irrelevant as the size of the rapist's penis. Whether she is wearing skinny jeans and a turtle neck; whether she is in a bikini or whether she is completely stark naked; if she did not ask for it, she did not ask for it and so you have no justification for taking something that isn't yours. "She looked sexy." Fine, a young adult in a tight mini dress looks sexy, but does a three year old? Rapists rape babies too and there's nothing sexy about them. Do not sexualize children and do not blame the victim for deciding to wear shorts that day.

"Consent and Body Language"

If she is naked underneath you or you're mid-f*ck, and she seems uncomfortable or asks you to stop, you stop. She has revoked her consent and you have to respect that. I understand you're frustrated because you want to come, but she knows she'll regret this in the morning. And she'd rather leave you angry with blue-balls than wake up the next morning with sadness and regret.

"Party Culture"

If you're at a party and having a good time with a drunk girl and she tells you you can take her body, don't. Tell her, "You aren't in your right mind and I don't want you to regret this in the morning. Why don't we get you some water and get you an Uber home?" Be the kind and respectful gentleman your mother raised you to be and maybe she'll call you the next morning with a smile and not a broken heart.

"Other things to remember"

Do not catcall, you make her uncomfortable. Do not blame it on the alcohol. If you're guilty, you're guilty. Do not slut shame. Do not victim blame. It is not her fault that you are a perverted, disrespectful scum.

Men, let these words be ingrained in you throughout your life, but women and non-binary peoples, may they be ingrained in yours too. People of all genders fall victim to sexual assault and just because it's mostly women doesn't mean the others are irrelevant. Your assault is valid and we are sorry. Do not let yourself be silenced. Speak out. We cannot promise that the authorities will listen, but we will.